Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Our Dominant Story

So I suspect that my family is alot like yours and the majority of families in many ways...we are loving but we are incredibly flawed.
We get too angry.
We are too impatient with each other.
We say awful things that we don't mean.
We have this background current of Autism which currently colours our life and language more than we would like it too.
We take each other for granted and miss seeing the big picture because we are trying to control the silly, unimportant issues far too often.

And I lie awake wondering sometimes, if we are 'good' enough as parents.

I know that most of you in Blogland don't know me in real life.
You see our 'highlights' reel on here but you don't see the pain and trauma of the behind the scenes stuff that sometimes feels like it is taking over.

I was talking to a lovely friend of mine recently about these heart issues and she was saying that there is power in repeating our Dominant Story. What did she mean by that? Well, story telling about, showing photos of and reminding ourselves about the very things we want to be our dominant story when we look back on our lives 10, 20, 30 years from now.

I want the dominant story of our children's childhoods to be about indoor picnics when it rained, about snuggling under blankets reading rich, thought-provoking stories, about backyard cricket on warm summer evenings and baking choc chip cookies and licking the bowl clean. I want their dominant story to be one of feelings of belonging and traditions that made their hearts feel whole; remembering how we ate pumpkin soup from our special bowls that look like pumpkins, how we always have a special Shabbat meal together and of birthday dinners where loving words are shared around a communal table. I pray that our children will want to tell their children about the time that we went horseriding and the horse scratched its bum against the tree and we all laughed ourselves silly, about trips to Bonnyvale beach and playing Pani in the backyard. I hope their dominant story is filled with memories of planting and harvesting in our vegie garden, of prayers shared, of learning and exploring on bushwalks together, of dressing up, dancing + celebrating the Biblical Feasts and of many cuddles and 'i love you's' whispered into little ears before bedtime each night.

I guess I've realised that part of why I blog is so that I can remind myself of what I want our dominant story to be.
We are not perfect.
Life here is hard.
But it's also wonderful and fun, beautiful and comforting too.

{Thanks Michelle btw for sharing with me.}

So in light of that, I wanted to share about one day last week.
We'd done some maths bookwork in the morning, our afternoon rhythm and some reading together.
We'd had several days of rain {and hail!} and we wanted to make the most of a sun-shiny afternoon.
Liji asked if we could pleeeeeeeeeeeeease go catch some tadpoles!
So off we went.
{When we got to the first place, there was still hail left in HUGE chunks TWO days after it had fallen!!!!!! We couldn't get over it!}

{I love watching our kiddos go off on adventures like this!}
{The water at the first place we went was running a little too quickly so there were no tadpoles around so we decided to go somewhere else}

{Love my Ergo!}

{Zippi loved sloshing about in her boots in the 'muddy puddles' - which of course must be said in your best Peppa Pig voice! lol!}
{Enjoying a short trip to the second spot. By the time we got there the mozzies were out in full force}

{Eagerly they show Brett their 'catch'!}
{You can see the little guy Liji caught in the bottom corner of the bag!}


{Ethi asked that a photo of his be taken before being released back into the water}

Now please don't get me wrong.
I'm not sharing this to gain pity or a pat on the back or anything at all like that.
I'm not sharing these things for any other reason than to remind myself, when I look back in years to come, that this was a bit of a pivotal moment for me.
I know that just by talking about our Dominant Story that I am not excused for my poor attitudes or sinful nature.
I constantly ask that Yah would make us more like his son, Yeshua, whom through the Scriptures we see as a perfect example of our Father's nature.
I want to be pruned and become the best parent to our children that I can be.
And so does Brett.

But I guess that while we are working on that, it is a comforting thought that as I remind myself and my family about the positives in our life, I can be leaving us all with happy memories of a dominant story that was full of us being real, learning how to work through life's challenges and loving well.

With love,
Lusi x


kathy said...

Lusi it sounds very much like my house! I think that no matter what when we look back we will see all the good things. Memories seem to work that way :)
thanks for sharing. I love catching up on your blog ;)
My goal this year was to blog more of our precious memories...I just haven't gotten there yet lol

Kylie said...

Beautiful post. I agree with Kathy, my childhood wasn't a bed of roses, but my memories are generally always of the kind that you mention in your post.

Doesn't mean we all shouldn't continue to strive for those dominant moments though, does it! Thanks for sharing :-)

lusi said...

Thanks Kathy and Kylie :-) I'm hoping so too!!! It's good to know I'm not alone in my feelings and thoughts!
Love lus x

The Heaton Family said...

beautiful reminder to savour each moment with our loved ones, and to be on the lookout for creating those ties that bind! thank you for this!

singing mama said...

I LOVE the idea of a dominant story!! I def want my kidlets to be reminded of and focus on the good and special memories of our little clan. I want to be honest and not sugar coat things (not saying you do that! ) because as a mama when my kids are grown and they come to me with questions of how did you do it, I want to remember some times it was really really hard too. Anyways all of that to say YES love the dominant story outlook and the one you are recording here on your blog is beautiful! Luv Donna

Anonymous said...

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. It is full of ups and downs and that is normal for every parent.

I only have one child and I too ask myself am I doing a good enough job. I know if I try my best everyday that's all I can do.

My daughter knows I am doing the best I can but she also knows I am far from perfect. That's ok cause it is good for her to see me struggle somedays and know I am only human. Having a few bad moments makes us appreciate the good times so much more.

Have a wonderful week from Susan McGuire (smiles1965) xxoo


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