Feelings of failure, inadequacy, a-loneness (which in my mind is actually very different to loneliness), and just the feeling of being overwhelmed by some things. Being so close to something and yet so far at the same time. I know it all sounds mysterious and cryptic but i'm not doing that on purpose. One of the overwhelming things is that I feel like I have lost some friends. I know I have. I'm not sure how or why but I know I have. That makes me sad. But I also know full well that there are seasons. I know too that Yahweh (God) has given me some amazing friends too (some that I don't see regulalry but it's like we haven't missed a thing when we chat or get together!!!) + for that I am very thankful.
I'm just saying what a battlefield the mind can sometimes be hey.
Am I alone in this? I know I'm not.
It's not the end of the world and i have SO much to be thankful for.
But I feel often as if I am in two worlds.
Sometimes that is just a bit draining that's all.
Things that I've learnt over the years, well established understandings of things are now being challenged.
Tonight I went along to a doco presentation on homebirthing + it was great.
Did i tell you I'm thinking of becoming a doula?
Well, I'm still praying about it.
But once, I would never have given that a thought + yet, there I was at the homebirthing movie presentation!
Mind you, I probably felt the same about homeschooling once...and feasts....and Sabbath....and a whole heap of other things. These are things that are now apart of who I am + I am thankful for that. I know it sounds freaky (!) but that's who I am right now.
Laying it all down + asking God to mould and shape my mind + my life, leading me in His Truth by the working of His Spirit - that's where it is at for me!
The verse that comes to mind is,
"Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ"
2 Corinthians 10:5
I keep praying.
He keeps me in His perfect peace even when things aren't going the way I feel is 'right'.
My life is in His hands.
And for that I praise Him.
And for that I am truly thankful.
5 things I am thankful for right now:
1. Brett doing the shopping today
2. Kids club at the church going so well + seeing such great fruit coming from this ministry!
3. The peace of God that surpasses all understanding, even in my feelings of a-loneness.
4. Late night cuppa catch up with Donna
5. The homebirth movie presentation
God bless you in your journey too,