Thursday, August 19, 2010

The battle is His...

The past couple of days have been a bit of a battleground in my mind.

*sighs*

Feelings of failure, inadequacy, a-loneness (which in my mind is actually very different to loneliness), and just the feeling of being overwhelmed by some things. Being so close to something and yet so far at the same time. I know it all sounds mysterious and cryptic but i'm not doing that on purpose. One of the overwhelming things is that I feel like I have lost some friends. I know I have. I'm not sure how or why but I know I have. That makes me sad. But I also know full well that there are seasons. I know too that Yahweh (God) has given me some amazing friends too (some that I don't see regulalry but it's like we haven't missed a thing when we chat or get together!!!) + for that I am very thankful.

Honestly.

I'm just saying what a battlefield the mind can sometimes be hey.

Am I alone in this? I know I'm not.

It's not the end of the world and i have SO much to be thankful for.

But I feel often as if I am in two worlds.

Sometimes that is just a bit draining that's all.

Things that I've learnt over the years, well established understandings of things are now being challenged.

Tonight I went along to a doco presentation on homebirthing + it was great.

Did i tell you I'm thinking of becoming a doula?

Well, I'm still praying about it.

But once, I would never have given that a thought + yet, there I was at the homebirthing movie presentation!

Mind you, I probably felt the same about homeschooling once...and feasts....and Sabbath....and a whole heap of other things. These are things that are now apart of who I am + I am thankful for that. I know it sounds freaky (!) but that's who I  am right now.

Laying it all down + asking God to mould and shape my mind + my life, leading me in His Truth by the working of His Spirit - that's where it is at for me!

The verse that comes to mind is,

"Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ"
2 Corinthians 10:5

I keep praying.
He keeps me in His perfect peace even when things aren't going the way I feel is 'right'.
My life is in His hands.
And for that I praise Him.
And for that I am truly thankful.


5 things I am thankful for right now:

1. Brett doing the shopping today
2. Kids club at the church going so well + seeing such great fruit coming from this ministry!
3. The peace of God that surpasses all understanding, even in my feelings of a-loneness.
4. Late night cuppa catch up with Donna
5. The homebirth movie presentation

God bless you in your journey too,
Lus x

5 comments:

caz1975 said...

I hear you!! My mind is a very big battleground right now, battling postnatal depression and realising how easy it would be to let dark clouds engulf me, but chosing each day to look up to the THE LIGHT!

Anonymous said...

Mate...UR NOT ALONE!!!! Our mind is a big battleground for the enemy & we constantly need to come under Him so that our thoughts are His thoughts.
Love u lots, matey! Really hanging out for another catch up soon...my fastidious one :)
Love u stax...Christina xxx
Psalm 73:25,26

frills and spills said...

(((hugs))) Lus.
You're absolutely not alone. A-loneness is somewhere the enemy tries to grab a stronghold and make us feel inadequate and isolated. I've had that feeling a lot in recent times. I try to use those times to really focus on God by fasting (from food and other distractions) and praying. It's become a time when God really can have all of me... And I've seen breakthroughs in areas that have seemed impossible for a long time.
Praying for you as you continue to find the path He has for you and your family.
Love Jas xx

Melanie B said...

Everytime I come here I am so encouraged & challenged!! Its funny you put into words what I feel like I battle with all the time. Have friends (beautiful) but don't really feel like I fit,don't measure up, not knowing where I am going, but knowing that I have an Amazing God, that has it all in His Hands. Lus you are such an inspiration.
Praying for God's richest blessings to you this week.

Mel xx

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

You are right! Satan wants our minds and our hearts. God wants them too. Who are we going to believe? The Father of Lies or the Father of TRUTH! Keep reading God's Word and you will find it. I know you are pressing in to Him.

Thank you for your encouraging words to me about my vocal nodules. This has been a huge challenge. I've done good for the first few days, but it is amazing how old habits can want to make you slip back into what is comfortable. I have to renew my mind, my heart and my speech patterns to be able to achieve healing. This is all good as God continues to pull the "weeds" out of my life. Sometimes he has to pull harder and dig deeper to get to them.

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