Sunday, April 10, 2011

Just some heart thoughts...

Eta...I should have mentioned how thankful I am for my Brett for his friendship that is unwavering. I know I am really blessed to have that. It means the world to me.

Sometimes I wonder what our life would have been like if we hadn't made some of the choices we have.
I don't think about these things often, but when I do....sometimes it gets me a little upset...which is why I don't think about them so much.

One of the things that has really affected me over the past couple of years is how many friendships I've lost. My first thought on this is that i am far from the perfect friend myself. I really am not that. My second thought is that when I left the magazine/publishing/designing/scrapbooking world, I lost a lot of friends. Some people later told me they just thought we'd have very little in common once I left. And some, well, I'm not sure what happened with some. I would leave comments on their blogs, or send the odd email and just never heard from them again.

Don't get me wrong. I know people get busy - I am a busy person too! I'm not one of those people that is always great at returning emails or phonecalls. Actually sometimes I am pure bad at that (ahem on that note Nat and Monique I owe you phonecalls if you happen to be reading this and I am sorry and will try and do that this week!). I'm really trying though in this area to remember and to return calls and to prioritise my time. I am also not the kind of person sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring!!! But the weird thing was, when I left the scrapping world, all these friendships just kind of disappeared....all at once. And it was really noticeable.

The same thing happened recently when Yah (God) moved us in a different direction with our walk with Him. We still believe in the same God. And the same Saviour, Yeshua (Jesus) and the same sacred scriptures (the Bible) and yet because of the expression of our faith now...we kind of have been cut off by alot of people.

This is not said to attack.
I know it seems hard and weird. And i know some people don't know what to say. But it would be hard to ignore that it doesn't hurt when you have walked closely with people and then all of a sudden...nothing. No contact even when I've tried to make contact. Or when we've invited someone for dinner having them say they don't feel comfortable to eat with us. Ouch.

This probably just sounds like a big whinge but it's not.

This week I got to go out and have lunch with Lori at a lovely cafe nearby. Then we went back to her place, drank tea together and played our mandolins. A truly loving friend to share life's journey with.
Yesterday we had a little Shabbath gathering here. Friends came who love us.
Then last night, we got to go to Sumi's for her 30th birthday bash and had such a lovely time. (Sumi and I went to college together) and out of the blue, in rock another 2 beautiful girls that were in our college class whom I haven't seen for over 7 years! Friends who love us no matter the amount of time passing.
For lunch today we went to have lunch with our mother's group families (who we've been friends with for the past 9 years). More friends who love and support us.
I got to talk with my Anth in Wales on the phone tonight for over an hour. My dear friend who loves me. And we had Ben and Jas pop in too. Friends who love us also.

So just when I think about all the friends who have lost, Yah lovingly reminds me of the ones we have. The ones who have walked with us, who have shared many things with us, who have laughed and cried and prayed with us. Many friends have gone now and that is just a reality of life. But He has also sent many new ones. Perhaps He will even restore some of the friendships that today seem lost. We have been blessed with a number of friends that you don't have to see regularly or chat with but when you do, you just pick up where you left off and go from there. I love that and am so thankful for those friendships; Mel Moor you my friend are one of those people! And we also have friends like the Vandors with whom Yah has made such a beautiful friendship spring up from dust and ashes so to speak and that is such a precious gift of His to us. Sometimes the road is narrow and somewhat lonely.

I pray He teaches me more on how to be a good friend to others.

I truly only want what He wants for my life....even when that path seems weird or wrong or strange or whatever to other people. I'm not out to man-please. I'm just alive to God-please.

Ok, rant over.
As you were.

PS: This post is possibly probably slightly more emotional than normal and I am happy to blame that on sure it might have something to do with my very hormonal and pregnant body at present.
                                                                     Posted with love,

PPS: I laboured over whether or not to hit 'publish post' on this one because I really don't want any feeling attacked or anything awful like that. But after much hesitation I have decided I will close one eye and hit publish since this is my blog and I want it to be an accurate account of our life's journey when I look back over it. And this is a pretty accurate account of how I am currently feeling.

PPPS: For disclaimer on my feelings, please see 'P.S'. lol


singing mama said...

Oh I truly understand Lusi. I have felt so lonely lately too and really been mourning the lack of friends we now have. I have been pleading with Yah. It is such a hard journey and it's hard not to feel constantly rejected by others.
Love and hugs to you !!!
Luv Donna

Mum-me said...

It's hard when you lose friends - for whatever reason! I've just moved interstate and am really missing my friends back in Canberra, so reading this post made my eyes a little misty. Glad you are able to see God's hand in prompting you to remember the friends you DO have. Funnily enough, that's exactly what I've been trying to teach my girls who have made some lovely friends here in Brisbane but are still mourning he loss of great, close friendships back 'home'.

Leanne said...

Hey Lus. Knowing you through scrapping and your open friendship to me (only a raw beginner! LOL!) has been a blessing. I love coming by your blog and catching up. Keep it real hun. That's why we document. Even if it is here (on the www) for the world to see.

{{hugs}} ...x

Traci said...

Shalom to you Lusi:)
I think many of us have/are walking this road. It can be a lonely journey at times. It's so interesting how many folks I have heard this same story from (myself included)I pray that whatever Abba sees fit to remove that He will fill with more of Him, to you and to us all.

You are blessed Lusi:)

faelih said...

Ah, but this is so real. :) ~ Empathizing with you ~ Phyllis

Crystal said...

Shalom Lusi,
I went through the same thing when YAH called us to follow him in a more scriptural manner. it is normal. scripture says it will happen this way but some how it doesn't make it any easier. chin up YAH is still in control.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lusi,
I first "met" you through scrapbooking memories blog and have followed you every since. Through your ups and downs with Ethan, as I also have a son with Asperger's Syndrome. I admire your courage and your faith and wish I had a mustard seed's worth and think you are amazing home schooling your children.
You may have lost some friends, but you've also gained some.
Best wishes

Sumara said...

Oh Lus. SO much love for all of you. You know, you could start worhsipping unicorns and doing raindances and you would never get rid of me. I don't think you ever will, but just saying. ;)

It was SO GOOD to see you on Saturday and be together with the others, I was so gleeful to be giggling with you all again. We have to do it again soon, and I'll find a time when Katie can come too.

Love you times a million, darling Lus. xoxo.

Tiff said...

Hi gorgeous woman! So glad to have found you online. Pete just remembered to pass on your wonderful news and it is too late to call. I am so glad to count you as a friend and to welcome a new Austin in my life Tonnes and tonnes of love to you all.

lusi said...

Thanks everyone- I feel like such a sook now but it was good to just share it I think.

Hi Tiff!!!!! We were talking about getting together with you guys just today! I got Lusi's pressie yesterday so will pop that in the mail! We love you guys and are so glad to count you as friends too!!! Chat soon mate love lus x

Karen L said...

Hi Lusi,

I know you probably haven't heard from me much lately either. Sometimes we just allow our lives to get to busy. Rest assured though that you are still often in my thoughts and prayers. I love catching up on your family, and as you said before we still worship the same God and one day we will all stand before him. God Bless you guys. Will try and say Hi a little more often.

Anonymous said...

i know how u feel lusi. i had an extremely close friend just leave moranbah. like, i went to her with EVERYTHING and never a day went past that we didnt speak for at least an hour. in a small town like this people tend to build close friendships like this.

but she moved 2 hrs away a few months ago and i barely hear from her. i ring her and leave messages and never get calls back. shes moved on with her life. the last time she rang me woulda been about 6 weeks ago.

ive had to try to not take this personally. im sure shes just busy making friends in her new town, and im so thankful that she has been able to settle in there quickly. but honestly it does hurt that you can be so easily put to the side.

i hope you find some resolution with this soon hun. xxxx Karen Day - (if u wanna chat! ha!)

Lilacstitcher said...

Thanks for hitting publish! Sending love your way. I think you are beautiful, loving and gracious. May you be blessed as you continue on the narrow way, though none go with you ( or just a few).

Love Elisa

lusi said...

Elisa, thanks for your encouraging comment. It meant so much to me this week. Have had a rough trot but your words were like a soothing balm to my soul.
Love to you!
Lus x


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