I have been tired and felt more weak than I have in some time. I actually don't feel like this very often so i find it hard when i do.
The kids (after being indoors for over a week now) have been fighting more and disobeying me too.
I actually commented to Brett when we were alone tonight that today I felt like I didn't want to homeschool, I wanted a maid and I wanted icecream. And then I added that those things don't make for a very good stay-at-home homeschooling mama do they? And we both half laughed and agreed that they didn't.
It's just been hard. Not unbearable but just hard.
And so tonight as I read one of my favourite blogs, I was yet again challenged - lovingly convicted by the Holy Spirit working through her words. The blog is SALLY CLARKSON'S 'I TAKE JOY'.
I loved this passage:
In my personal relationship with my children where I love and value and serve them as Jesus did His own disciples, my children will not just hear of doctrine and manners and chores, but they will feel the touch of Christ, the compassion of Christ, the encouraging words of Christ and they will learn to love Him because they have felt and seen and lived love in the minutes of our lives together. Even as Jesus said, "I will never leave you or forsake you," so I will let my children know, "I will never leave you or forsake you--I will be praying for you, I will celebrate life with you (and cook for you and give you gift cards when you are far away from me.) and you can tell me anything and I will be your friend and companion as well as your leader and guide.
Love will be the foundation of our discipleship relationship as love is the foundation of Jesus' relationship with me.
And this bit too...
Jesus is not just a thought to be understood, a verse to be memorized, but a living, breathing, vibrant, loving, personal God who lives and breathes amongst us in my home each day. He is the way and He is with us along the way.
If you want to read the entire post, you can just click HERE.
As I tucked in each of the kids tonight I kissed them, held them tight as I held back the tears. I told them I was sorry (AGAIN!) for being short with them and that tomorrow 'His mercies are new every morning'. I need to remind myself of that so much tonight as I learn to lean into Him more and let go of the feelings of failure and guilt which I know do NOT come from Him.
I kind of feeling like a part of me (the tired part) has been re-awakened tonight.
I feel better. So much better.
5 things I am thankful for today:
1. The very inspired writings of Sally Clarkson bringing me back to what Jesus' heart is for me and my family
2. My chatsky with my beautiful Mel Moor :)
3. Cuddles and understanding from Brett
4. My chatsky with Div :)
5. Lisa lending us the 'Circle of Respect' game to play today and that the kids were able to understand it and participate.